How to Tame a Cat: A Step-by-Step Guide to Befriending Your Feline Friend

Bringing a timid or feral cat into your home can be a rewarding experience, though it requires patience and understanding. These cats, often misunderstood, can transform into loving companions with the right approach. This guide provides a comprehensive, step-by-step method to help you tame a scared cat, turning fear into affection and companionship.

Understanding the Scaredy Cat

Before diving into the taming process, it’s crucial to understand the background and mindset of a scared cat. Their fear isn’t arbitrary; it’s rooted in their experiences, genetics, and lack of socialization. Cats may be fearful due to various reasons:

• Former Companion Cats: These were once house cats who became lost or abandoned. They might have experienced trauma outdoors, leading to fear and distrust.
• First Generation Unsocialized Cats: Born to domesticated cats but raised without human interaction, these cats are essentially wild from birth.
• Second and Multi-Generation Unsocialized Cats: Offspring of feral cats, their fear is deeply ingrained, passed down through generations.

The degree of fear and the ease of taming can vary greatly depending on their background. Genetics, particularly from the father, also play a role in their temperament. Regardless of their history, the core taming methods remain consistent.

Decoding Cat Body Language

Effective communication is key to taming a cat. Learning to understand cat body language allows you to gauge their comfort level and adjust your approach accordingly. It’s like learning to “speak cat,” enabling you to interpret their feelings and reactions.

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Mastering Calming Signals

Your own body language plays a pivotal role in making a scared cat feel safe. By using calming signals, you can communicate safety and reduce their anxiety. Incorporate these techniques into every interaction:

1. Slow Movements: Move deliberately and slowly, mimicking the gentle pace of Tai Chi. Quick movements can be perceived as threatening.
2. Arc Approach: Instead of walking directly towards them, approach in a curve. This lessens the feeling of being confronted.
3. Soft Body Posture: Relax your posture, slightly slouching to appear less imposing. Tension in your body can translate to tension in the cat.
4. Relaxed Facial Expression: Soften your facial muscles. A tense face can be intimidating.
5. Downward Gaze: Avoid direct eye contact. Look down or to the side, as direct stares are seen as aggressive in cat language.
6. Slow Blinks (Cat Kisses): Gently soften and slowly close your eyes, thinking positive thoughts like “I love you.” Slowly open them again. A reciprocal slow blink from the cat is a sign of trust and a moment to celebrate.
7. Yawning: A yawn can be a calming signal, showing you are relaxed and not a threat. It’s a subtle way to defuse tension.
8. Slow Breathing: Control your breath to remain calm. Your calm demeanor will be contagious.
9. Stillness: When stationary, be as still as possible. Sudden movements can startle them.
10. Gentle Touch: If they approach you, move slowly and gently. Imagine “patting like cold honey” – slow, soft, and deliberate. This helps them relax and accept touch.

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A tabby cat stretching and yawning, demonstrating calming signals.

The Power of Treat Foods

Food is your greatest ally in taming a scared cat. High-value treats, more enticing than their regular food, can motivate them to overcome their fear. Think of these treats as “kitty crack”—irresistible temptations that create positive associations.

Some excellent treat options that have proven successful include:

• Hills a/d Tinned Food: A vet-recommended option, highly palatable and nutritious.
• Fresh Liver (Warm): Especially appealing when slightly warmed, enhancing its aroma.
• Dried Liver Treats: Convenient and long-lasting, a crunchy delight for many cats.
• Royal Canin Persian Adult Dry Food: Specifically this variety, known for its enticing flavor and texture.
• Ultimates Indulge Tinned Fish Cat Food: The strong smell and taste of fish are often irresistible to cats.
• Peck’s Anchovette Spread: A savory spread that many cats find highly appealing (ensure no onion or garlic content in any spread).
• Prawns: A luxurious treat, particularly if lightly cooked.
• Roast Chicken: Small pieces of plain roast chicken are a healthy and delicious option.
• Dine Creamy Treats: Commercially available creamy treats, often a favorite among cats.
• Homemade Chicken Broth (No Onion or Garlic): Offer on a spoon for a comforting and hydrating treat.

Experiment to Find Their “Kitty Crack”

Every cat is unique, and their preferences vary. Experiment with different treats to discover what motivates your scaredy cat the most. One cat might love dried liver, while another might go crazy for creamy treats. The key is to find that special something that breaks through their fear barrier.

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Step-by-Step Taming Guide

Transforming a scared cat into a tame companion is a journey. Follow these steps methodically, and celebrate every small victory.

Getting Started

1. Desex and Microchip: Essential for their health and safety, and also reduces roaming and spraying behaviors.
2. Avoid Staring: Direct eye contact is threatening to cats. Instead, use “cat kisses” – slow blinks – to communicate friendliness. Partially close your eyes, then slowly close them completely while thinking loving thoughts, and gently reopen.
3. Confine to a Sanctuary Space: Set up a safe and secure “sanctuary space.” This could be a large dog crate (42″ or 48″) or a small, quiet room. This confinement provides a feeling of safety and control for the cat.
4. Introduce Background Noise: Help them acclimate to human sounds by playing a radio (talk radio is ideal for human voices) or TV at a low volume. Calming music designed for pets can also be beneficial. Familiar sounds from their previous environment, if known, can also be comforting.

Using Food as Positive Reinforcement

5. Treats for Taming Sessions: Reserve the most irresistible treats for taming sessions. Regular food can be offered afterward.
6. Calm Yourself: Before each session, take a moment to relax and center yourself. Your calm energy will positively influence the cat.
7. Present Food on a Plate: Use a small plate to offer food. This is less threatening than offering it directly from your hand initially.
8. Announce Mealtime: Consistently use a specific word or phrase (“Breakfast!”, “Meal time!”) each time you offer food. This creates a predictable and positive association with your voice.
9. Body Positioning: Position your body sideways (¾ turn) to appear less confrontational. Maintain relaxed eyes and a quiet, slow demeanor. Gently speak to them, explaining what you are doing.
10. Offer Food in the Sanctuary: Slowly push the plate into the crate or place it in the room, keeping your hand below their chin level to appear less predatory. Keep your fingers relaxed and curved, not extended, as straight fingers can be perceived as aggressive. If hissing or lunging occurs, consult resources on fear-aggressive cats and adjust your approach.
11. Eating in Your Presence: If they eat while you are present, stay nearby so they associate your presence with positive experiences (food). If needed, turn your back or sit low to the ground to minimize perceived threat. If they don’t eat within 10 minutes, remove the food and try again later.
12. Passive Presence: Spend time in their sanctuary room, engaging in quiet activities like reading, working on a computer, or watching TV, while largely ignoring the cat. This allows them to become accustomed to your presence without pressure.

Progressing to Touch

13. Gradually Increase Interaction: As the cat becomes more comfortable, incrementally increase interaction:

    • Place the food plate in the sanctuary but remain present.
    • Position the plate closer to the front of the crate.
    • Stay close enough that they must approach you to reach the food.
    • Open the crate door, announce food, requiring them to approach you before placing the plate.
    • Offer food on a spoon, keeping your hand low.
    • Progress to offering food on your finger.
    • Introduce gentle, firm touch with your other hand on their side while they eat from your finger. Initially, use the back of your hand if they are very sensitive.

14. Confident Touch: When touching, be calm, deliberate, and confident. Visualize yourself as a nurturing “MumCat,” providing reassuring strokes.

15. Taming Wand (If Needed): If unsure about their reaction to touch, use a “taming wand”—a soft material like polar fleece attached to a stick or feather. This allows for touch with less direct proximity and reduces risk of bites or scratches.

16. Avoid Tentative Movements: Tentativeness can be misinterpreted as aggression. Be confident and assured in your movements.

17. Hand Position: Always keep your hand and arm below their chin level to appear non-threatening.

18. Relaxed Hand Posture: Maintain a relaxed hand with curled fingers at all times.

Ending on a Positive Note

19. Positive Endings: Conclude each session while the cat is still comfortable, even if they initially hissed. Offer an extra treat at the end to reinforce a positive last impression. The final moments of interaction are what they will remember most.
20. Advancing Interaction Stages: Gradually increase physical interaction, using food as a reward at each stage:
    • Touch with both hands while offering food.
    • Require them to tolerate touch on both sides and a slight lift to receive food.
    • Gradually increase the lifting height for food reward.
    • Lift them slightly towards you, then set them back down before giving food.
    • Lift to your chest briefly (avoid direct eye contact which can be threatening), then return them and offer food.
    • Take a few steps while holding them, then return and feed.
    • Walk around the room, return to the starting point, and feed.
21. Regression: If they become distressed at any stage, step back to the previous, more comfortable level. Progress is not always linear.

Graduating to a Room

22. Room Transition: Once they are comfortable with handling, transition them from the crate to a larger “graduation room,” such as a bedroom or spare room. Keep the crate in the room initially as a familiar safe space. Provide ample hiding spots and essential resources like food, water, and litter box within the room. Continue taming sessions in this larger space, using food rewards for interaction.

Consider “snuggle sessions” to expedite bonding. Encourage them onto a blanket on your lap, gently wrap them (ensuring they can breathe), and stroke them over and under the blanket to acclimate them to touch. Resources like the TinyKittens’ “Plan B video” demonstrate this technique effectively. After a snuggle session, return them to their hiding spot.

Detailed accounts of this taming approach, such as the ICRA East Bay’s Kitten Socializing guide, offer further insights.

A person celebrating a milestone with their timid cat.

Celebrating Milestones

Recognize and celebrate every sign of progress. These small victories are indicators you are on the right path:

Blinking at You: A significant sign of trust. They feel secure enough to relax their vigilance.

Ears Forward: Indicates they are not feeling threatened and are open to their surroundings.

Upside-Down “Folded Arms” Posture: They are relaxed and not poised to flee.

Lying on Their Side: A very relaxed posture, signifying comfort and security.

Purring: A wonderful milestone, indicating contentment and pleasure (unless associated with pain). This is a major achievement in building trust. Reward yourself and your cat with extra praise and treats!

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Patience is Key: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Socialization is rarely a linear progression. Expect plateaus and setbacks. There will be days when they seem less receptive to handling. When this happens, revert to a previous step where they were comfortable. This ebb and flow is normal.

Expect regression when transitioning from crate to room, and again from room to the entire house. Be patient, consistent with hand-feeding, and always end sessions positively. They will typically regain their previous progress levels with time and consistent positive interactions.

This guide is adapted and modified from Gesine Lohr’s summary from the Yahoo Feral Cats group, incorporating successful techniques observed and practiced over time.

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