In the stark world of prison, tenderness is a forgotten concept. Life inside is defined by concrete, steel, and hardened individuals enduring severe sentences. Resilience is essential, and a perceived ruthlessness becomes a twisted virtue as inmates suppress their natural yearning for comfort. Those who fail to project an image of invulnerability risk being seen as vulnerable. This harsh reality seemed immutable, an unyielding prison ethos built on emotional detachment and coldness, destined to endure indefinitely.
Perhaps this bleak existence would have persisted, with granite hearts and iron wills never yielding. Maybe the ingrained prison mentality of emotional austerity was destined to prevail.
But then came the cats.
Initially, there was just one – a cautious orange tabby. This feline phantom patrolled the prison yard, a fleeting shadow haunting the forbidden zones beyond the fences, a reminder of a world left behind. From our confined vantage points of glass, steel, wire, and concrete, we watched her. We observed her hunting birds, her solitary explorations, her freedom to choose to be in this place, among us.
We witnessed her thrive, feasting on captured pigeons and the supplementary food we prisoners discreetly provided. Inmates, despite their meager rations, would save portions, offering these small tributes to this graceful creature.
Eventually, we understood that our meager offerings of state-issued meat scraps were not the primary cause of her growing plumpness. The truth was far more miraculous.
The blessing she bestowed upon us, in return for our simple gifts, arrived fittingly within an unused locker in the yard’s designated spiritual area – a space where those who followed earth-based faiths sought solace.
A litter of kittens.
From that instant, an unspoken pact formed amongst her feeders, admirers, and devotees: We belonged to these cats.
The following weeks were filled with the soft rustling of plastic bags. Treasured items from the canteen and care packages – often more valued than the standard prison fare – were brought to the locker site, presented like sacred offerings at the altar of this creature who now walked among us. Behind our carefully constructed, stoic facades, we watched with reverence as the kittens opened their eyes, took tentative first steps, and began to explore the world they now shared with us, their world intertwined with ours.
And then, inevitably, we touched them.
Fifteen years had passed since I last felt the soft fur of a cat when an orange kitten ambled over and settled beside me in the grass one afternoon. Words fail to capture the profound impact of that simple interaction. It was a stark reminder of my own living existence. A surge of pure, untamed joy, unlike anything I had experienced before, not even in childhood, flooded through me.
I have since spent countless hours in the company of Those Cats. Even now, I am struck by their complete defiance of everything that prison represents. They are playful and uninhibited, curious and whimsical, gentle and affectionate.
Observing my fellow inmates interacting with our cats is often even more captivating. These hardened men, accustomed to the brutal realities of prison life, visibly soften when they approach the felines. They offer food, watch them chase birds and insects, and painstakingly craft toys to engage them in play. The transformation is remarkable.
When a cat curls up on my lap, thoughts of the past recede. Regrets about what I should have done or could have done fade away. The weight of courtrooms, life sentences, and parole boards lifts. Peace descends, accompanied by a quiet sense of hope – a feeling that everything, somehow, will be alright. The past needs to remain where it is if I am to have a future, if I am to appreciate the present moment and acknowledge the transformation I have undergone.
The cats, in their innate wisdom, already understand this. They generously share their time with us, offering silent lessons and allowing us fleeting moments of warmth, tenderness, non-judgmental acceptance, and a sense of freedom within confinement.
